Jack and I have been together for over seven years and celebrated our five-year wedding anniversary in February. I feel fortunate to be able to say that I am married to my most favorite person on earth, and I am certain that there isn’t anyone else who could love and support me in all the ways that Jack does. Though we do have a lot in common when it comes to our core values, we are total opposites in the way that we experience and interact with the world around us. Similarities are great, but we believe that the success of our relationship can be largely attributed to the value we see in our differences and how we utilize them to make us more well-rounded. I believe that Jack and I are even more compatible with each other because of our differences than we are because of our similarities.
I trust and admire Jack so much and that allows me to follow his lead and rely on his instincts to guide me when I find myself faced with obstacles that I would really struggle to overcome on my own. In moments where I find myself overwhelmed, emotionally triggered and unable to make sense of things, my faith in Jack’s ability to see things logically, take them at face value and make well-adjusted decisions is a huge comfort to me. Knowing that I have access to this external, unbiased way of thinking, feels like a secret weapon. I value his insight and even keeled approach so much that even when I am not struggling and when I feel confident in my decisions, I still want his thoughts and opinions on absolutely everything as a reference point. Hearing is line of thinking is always a welcome addition.
In moments where Jack might struggle with his feelings, anxiety or knowing how to process and communicate his emotions, I am his rock whereby he can allow himself to let his guard down and feel safe to explore himself on a deeper level. Being able to empathize with how he is feeling and my willingness to be vulnerable and open about my experience with the same stressors has proven to be something that brings him comfort and he can then work to follow my example. While he has always been a natural leader and someone who has a gift when it comes to uplifting the people around him, the work he’s done to become more sensitive to different ways of expression has brought him to new heights in his life both personally and professionally. There is so much that we both have to give and take and I believe this is why we have created a nearly perfect balance for ourselves and the mutual respect that goes with it.
We always say that there is very little overlap in our personalities. Where I am compulsively organized and regimented, Jack is easy going and creatively unruly. I am more people facing, while Jack thrives in being a behind the scenes, cut throat decision maker. We have walked such different paths in life and been exposed to vastly different environments. Each of us has experience in areas that the other tends to feel is one of their blind spots and when combined, we no longer feel as though either of us lacks what the other has to contribute. I always joke that Jack is my logic and reasoning insurance policy and I am his sentimental and emotional lifetime benefit rider. Together, we diversify our assets in a well balanced portfolio. This may only be funny to us, given our financial industry backgrounds, but the analogy is a sound one. We do not feel deficient in any of these things because we have chosen a partner who can help us cover more ground.
It isn’t ever expected for either of us to be perfect or know everything, but knowing where to find the information we need and being willing to ask for it is the key to our relationship dynamic between minds that think differently from one another. I think that if we were unable to see our differences as the helpful mechanisms that they are, instead of using them to make us stronger, we’d chalk them up to being incompatible. It’s important to note that kindness and compassion have always been where we meet in the middle. It is the foundation of everything for us and the reason why we have such profound trust in each other’s opinions. I know that in moments where I disagree with Jack’s perspective on something, he is never coming from a bad place and it’s even more important for me to hear a differing viewpoint than one that echoes my own. There are many times when we encounter people we disagree with that we do not have that foundation of trust with and we end up missing the opportunity to learn from them.
I am increasingly thankful the more our differences come to light. I’m proud to feel like such an integral part of a team. The times where I go to Jack or he comes to me for advice are what really make us feel special and valued. One of the greatest feelings is knowing that someone you have the utmost respect for sees the value that you bring to their lives and wants to pick your brain or ask your advice. Feeling needed in a healthy and constructive way by our partner is a form of validation and I encourage anyone who is struggling to work through differences with their loved ones to assess their relationships and see where that person’s strengths can be welcomed find a way to share yours with them as well.
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