Showing Up...

Some of the most common questions I am asked by people on social media are: “How do you stay committed to working out when you’re just starting?” and “What were your first steps and how did you make yourself keep going?” My response feels almost too simple that I worry people will think to themselves… “This meeting could have been an email,” but I want to share in the hope that it finds the person or people who need to see it and might be too shy to ask. I’ve always felt that starting and staying committed to anything can’t happen unless you’re there for it to happen. What I mean by that is that it has so much less to do with what I do when I get there and more to do with just showing up in whatever capacity I can. Simply walking through the door in some spandex is quite literally the first step.

The best example I can think of is when I began working out at a gym (and now our home gym) and how I have been able to create a routine where that time spent is part of my everyday that I can rely on no matter what. Showing up has meant looking the part and being ready to dedicate my time to something every single day. If I could work out or not when I got to the gym was another story. Whether due to a very common thing called gym anxiety where a lot of us starting out go into it thinking everyone is looking at and judging us (trust me, that is hardly ever the case, people are focused on themselves), or because we are having a very hard day due to our symptoms and working isn’t possible or safe, there are plenty of reasons it can feel overwhelming. However, letting those feelings stop us from walking in the door and occupying space in that setting can easily cause us to skip one day, then two, and then we have lost motivation all together before we know it.

I knew I needed to make it easy enough for myself to think it would be absurd not to do the bare minimum. I promised myself that no matter what happened, all I had to do was show up dressed for a workout. Even if I walked in and walked straight to the locker room to sit in the sauna, I had to get used to being there for that period of time and know that if there was only one thing I could be certain about, it would be that I would be in that building for that hour.

Sometimes I am unable to work out or complete the things that I would normally be able to do because of my MS symptoms. I know that pushing myself might put me in danger or be reckless and it can feel like a huge let down when my mind is ready and willing to do the work but my body hasn’t shown up for me. I refused to have that be a reason I would lose momentum on the habit I was trying so hard to build. I decided that I would get dressed like I would any other day and find another way to take up that space in time that felt healthy and productive. A lot of days, this has meant sitting on the stretching floor mat and listening to a 45-minute podcast about nutrition or working out while doing some light stretches that don’t feel painful to me. I found this to be fulfilling enough where I would leave feeling less like I hadn't done something to improve or push the needle forward towards my overall goal.

Working out and moving my body in some way every single day is something that has become so important, I consider it to be a medicinal. Getting stronger, making sure that my mind is attempting to stay in the present and knowing that for that hour I have set aside, the one thing I need to worry about is being intentional and creating continuity in my schedule is key. Whether it’s my mind or my hamstrings, something is going to get a good stretching by my having gone to the gym that day!

I do have scheduled rest days that I still keep as rest days no matter how many days I have to sit on the floor dressed for a workout I can’t do. I can’t stress this enough: Those days count. They have to count and here is why. If I were to tell myself that sitting there was a rest day, it would be doing myself an injustice by giving me less credit for still showing up, getting dressed and holding that intentional space. On the days where I am not feeling well, that IS a workout. That IS growth. It IS pushing myself. Maybe not in the exact same ways as lifting weights or running would, but it is still transformative and it isn’t just rest. I keep my rest days as is and I never throw off my routine to make excuses like “I’ll just skip my rest day on Saturday to make up for missing my workout today.” The reason I don’t do that to myself is because it will teach me that those days, which are so much harder for me to show up to than when I am feeling well are NOT to be treated as “misses, or no shows.” Not when I have kept my promises to myself to be in control of the basic things that I can. A miss is a day where I know I can show up, and choose not to in any way at all. Those are not to be punished either, for the record. They’re going to happen from time to time, we are human.

It’s because of this mentality that my relationship with myself has become so much stronger, more compassionate and I am so proud to say that even though relapses can be hideously derailing, I have found a way to still create a sense of normality for myself when everything else feels so far out of my control. A lot of times, once I am there, I tend to do a little more than I thought I would or could have. Even if that little bit is minute, it shows me time and time again that my head is in the right space and that I am not a person who gives up or doesn’t show up for myself.

Once you have made showing up for yourself a habit that is so second nature that you hardly even think about it anymore, then all of the other things start to follow. You will want to make the most of your time and naturally, you will be more inclined to work out and be productive once you’re there. Positive changes are infectious. They compound and build on top of one another and there is so much excitement that comes from seeing how little changes are the ones that make a huge difference over time. I can’t say this enough, just get dressed and go. I have never regretted going to the gym or for a walk or a hike. I’ve never regretted putting on at outfit and shoes. What I have regretted is doing nothing at all. You can do this.