I have struggled with my understanding of nutrition my entire life. I believed I would never have the body I used to wish for when I’d see a shooting star, blow out candles or hold my breath while driving through a tunnel. No joke, growing up I used to WISH for the “perfect” body because I didn’t know that it was possible to attain a slim physique without sorcery or a surgeon. I grew up with a lot of Jewish kids so going under the knife was normal starting from age 13. Nothing and no one I had ever grown up with explained to me the importance of what I put into my body as fuel and that I shouldn’t criminalize food in my mind if I wanted to lose weight.
I came from two parents who had both been skinny and overweight at several different points in their lives. My father LOVED to indulge in fine dining and quickly follow it up by ordering a double chili cheese burger from Tommy’s on the way home from the restaurant. For him, there really was no in between. He struggled with his weight as a kid and because of that, birthday cake was never on the menu. He'd often recall that he wasn't allowed birthday cake at his friend's parties and he felt singled out and swore that there would come a day when he'd never skip a piece of cake again. Because he was told no so many times, birthday cake was his weakness for the rest of his life and the reason his frosting filled grin is forever engrained in my memory. He would always tell me that the most important things to spend money on are real estate, travel and good food. He by no means meant wholesome, healthy, natural or organic food. He was talking about the blue cheese that’s so old and so stinky they have to keep it in the back of the store in dimmed lighting so the mold growing on it can thrive. Stinky cheese that smells to high heavens? Yes please! The tiniest little jar of caviar that costs more than a car payment? He’ll take two, thank you!
As kids, my dad expected us to acquire a taste for the finer foods in life… and I gagged just thinking about it. He was very eccentric, from the clothes he wore, to the food he put into his mouth. I should also mention that he was a type one diabetic for most of his life and he had zero problems tempting fate when it came to spiking his blood sugar to lethal levels. Often times, he’d be well into the 500’s even though the normal level for adults was in the 70-130 range. I remember as a kid, he almost made it a game for my sister and I to revive him when he was having a blood sugar attack. His insulin machine would sound off an alarm and flash digital letters that said “GO TO ER” and I remember it was our job to run, not walk, to the kitchen and pull a little red wagon full of ice water cups to him and watch as he struggled to get his machine to pump insulin into his body while my sister very reluctantly was tasked with stabbing him with an emergency shot into his stomach. If dad was still alive in 30 minutes, we won the game while also being completely traumatized.
My mom’s struggles with food were completely different. She was put up for adoption during the Korean War to save her life and brought to America to enter the foster care system. She had a very hard childhood and would often be starved for days at a time and so her relationship with food from a very young age wasn’t the best to put it extremely lightly. Growing up, she never wanted to force us to eat something we didn’t want to and the word “no” when it came to food wasn’t in her vocabulary. We knew she didn’t have the heart to say “put those back” and I definitely took advantage of that. She never wanted her children to have to go without or feel deprived like she had. We’d have movie days where we’d go to a liquor store and buy all the chips and candy and chocolate we wanted and just sit there all day binging together. As a kid, these days seemed like the best thing ever. I have to imagine that it was the deprived little girl in my mom that was sitting in the living room enjoying it with us, completely innocent to the unhealthy disorders it was causing. We’d be sick by the end of it and swear off powdered donuts and Cheetos for life. That never lasted long, but the damage it did to our bodies and our minds did. All of this was evident when my sister and I started struggling with our weight as we went through puberty.
Needless to say, in our household, though our parents loved us in the ways that they knew how, I don’t think we ever stood a chance of learning healthy eating habits from them and that’s hard to write about because I still take responsibility for my own struggles and don’t place all the blame solely on my parents who I believe thought that they were doing the right thing based on their own life experiences. I hold no grudges and I love them both dearly.
It only makes sense that I would find myself in high school as a sophomore experimenting with diet pills that another girl on cheer recommended to me. You guys… diet pills are the devil's work. Just don’t. Between high school and now, I can honestly say that I have tried every diet out there twice, three times, maybe four. Spoiler alert…they DO work. For a time. That is, until such time as you allow yourself some leniency for a major event, or maybe you had a horrible day, or you started dating someone that isn’t on that same diet as you. When you break that diet and have what you’ve been depriving your body of, good luck trying to trick it back into thinking it can live without the good stuff. Your body is going to fight you, kicking and screaming, like a little child in the grocery store and if you’re like me, you won’t have the heart to tell it to put back the cookie dough and then: boom. You haven't just fallen off the wagon, you've Shallow Hal'ed that bad boy and crushed it under the weight of your "poor choices." Maybe that’s not everyone’s experience, but I know for a fact that I am not the only one who’s been through that struggle.
It wasn’t until this year that I finally decided to keep things simple. No diets and no eliminating carbs, sugar or whatever else the experts say that you could or should live without. The only thing I would focus on was eating the most wholesome and healthy foods I could find and making sure that I was burning more calories in the day than I was eating. I eat white rice, I eat bread, I eat fruit, I eat chocolate here and there, tacos are a staple for me and my husband and guess what? Doing that for just four months, I’ve dropped 45 pounds without ever feeling like I’ve had to tell myself “no”. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not just about your nutrition. I exercise religiously. I went from running my lips up and down a chicken wing to running at least 3 miles a day cold turkey, and I am aware that my activity level has a lot to do with my weight loss. However, I would like to point out that I never, ever while on a diet felt completely fueled up to work out as much as I do right now. Maybe you’ve read some of my other posts, or maybe not, but I feel it’s important to mention that I have Multiple Sclerosis and so energy and stamina are a huge obstacle for me. Depriving my body of certain fuel types completely dictates how I am going to feel all day and so now that my body is being fed well, it’s doing so much more of what I need it to do.
I decided to add a nutrition page to this blog where I’d share some quick and attainable recipes not because I think I am an expert at cooking or nutrition, or that every single person who eats the way that I do will have the same results as me, but to prove a point that healthy eating can stay interesting, sustain great energy levels and if tailored to each individual person’s needs, it is possible to lose weight without having to give up anything. I also wanted to show that you don’t have to spend hours upon hours meal prepping and eating 5 day old dry chicken breast to reach your goals. Finally, I thought that it was unwise to have a blog entitled Suni Side Up without having a few pictures of some pretty tasty breakfast options! So everyone, I hope you’ll cook with me and enjoy the good stuff!
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